Is Food The Cure?
Me vs food, my biggest pandemic battle to date.
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One lunchtime earlier this week I found myself ravenously hungry. I’d devoured two large bowls of pasta, had eaten a ton of sweet treats in quick succession, and before I knew it I was inhaling whipped cream directly from the spray tin. I thought to myself, who was this person? When did I become like this? What is happening to me? I know I have an appetite, but this was something else altogether. My relationship with food over the course of the pandemic has been a rollercoaster ride, and if these heightened times of stress and anxiety have made your relationship with food difficult and confusing, know you’re not alone.
Let’s rewind to March 2020 when the pandemic was in its infancy. Supermarket shelves had been wiped clean, restaurants were told to close with no telling when they’d open again, people were hoarding cupboard goods like you’ve never seen before, and food had become a free-for-all. The sudden shift in our lives caused mass hysteria, and our understanding of the food landscape changed dramatically. We were queuing round the block to get our essentials, further queuing ensued virtually for hours to book a delivery slot for our groceries. Many of us didn’t know when we would have access to certain foods again, and we didn’t know how long the chaos would last. Our lives were in limbo. With concerns of food scarcity and shortages at an all time high, our eating habits were altered significantly.Â
There was a point last year where I’d eat almost anything in sight. The deep cavernous pit of my stomach knew no bounds, and no matter how much I consumed, I was rarely satisfied. Being forced to stay inside during lockdown along with the constant stress of living through a pandemic triggered a wave of emotional eating. My emotions were heightened, and eating was my coping mechanism. Even though my body didn’t necessarily always need food as fuel, I was reaching for things I knew would bring me comfort when I was feeling low or stressed out. Food was something I could easily distract myself with. We look to food as a means to survive, and our relationship with food is intrinsically linked with our mental and emotional wellbeing. So when the world around us turns to trash, and our rhythms and routines are thrown off course, this gives way for disordered eating behaviours to take form.
Does anyone remember the banana bread stage of the pandemic? Or would everyone rather forget it? I’m almost embarrassed to say I got sucked into that trend, but I’m glad those times are over now. At first I loved being home and cooking all the time, pulling out old recipe books and rediscovering my love for ingredients and creating dishes I’d forgotten I enjoyed so much. I took pleasure in meal prepping and planning like everyone else, and trips to the supermarket became an adventure rather than a weekly chore. But just when the going was good, I got to a point where I reached burnout. I was no longer cooking for the love of cooking, I was cooking simply as a means to an end, going through the same old motions of providing my body with food so I could wake up and do it all over again the next day. My relationship with food over the course of the pandemic has been exhausting.
In hindsight, I'm thankful for all that my body has done for me over the past year, and all that it continues to do for me. It's kept me healthy, and I'm still here still standing today. One thing I'm trying to learn is to unlearn the toxic messages our society enforces about our bodies and what we should look like. Instead of comparing myself to others, I’m starting to show myself more compassion, and am no longer paying attention to the widespread fear of gaining weight at a time when anxiety is already running high. Yes, my relationship with food is probably going to continue to be tricky. But at least I’m aware of it, and I'm working on it. What isn't tricky right now?
Don’t forget to follow me on Instagram and Twitter to see more of what I’m up to, and I’ll see you same time same place next week!Â
Catch you soon,
J’Nae
WHAT I’VE BEEN READING:
- I’m very, very late in getting around to reading this article by The Cut about one of the worst nightmare roommates ever heard of. Words can’t even begin to explain the sheer nerve of this woman. It’s a longer read, but definitely worth it. It also makes you think twice about who you let into your home, because they may never leave!
WHAT I’VE BEEN WATCHING:
- I’m a fan of Biggie Smalls the iconic rap hero, always have been, always will be. I really enjoyed this new Netflix documentary that showed a lot of intimate unseen footage from his tour life and career, all told from the perspective of himself and his crew.
WHAT I’VE BEEN LISTENING TO:
- I mean damn, the video to Doja Cat's new song Streets, and when that beat drops? I’m into it.
WHAT’S CAUGHT MY EYE:
- This tweet about a freelancer who apparently made £500,000+ in his first four years of freelancing.Â
ON MY BLOG:
- Whether you're a lover of high-street fashion, luxury labels, or vintage clothes, making your clothes last matters. In my latest blog post, I divulge all my tips and tricks on how to get the best out of what's hanging in your wardrobe.
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